I.
I see you, cursor.

The way you blink. The way you beckon me toward the keyboard, only to laugh when I inevitably blank and pull back my hands. The moment’s panic when the opportunity to write is finally met with silence. The ideas of the recent past now little more than a fleeting memory.

I’ve published six novels, among other projects. I thought something got easier the more often you did it.

II.
It’s Pride Month. I’m bisexual. Sometimes pansexual.

My books feature plenty of queer characters. An ace protagonist, M/M romance, and a trans character in the Jill Andersen series. The lead in Notna is a Black bi male. I’m writing an assassin thriller that also amounts to F/F romance with probably the only ever HEA I’m gonna write.

So why am I still being ignored?

III.
I try not to bear my soul like this, but sometimes, I need to let the emotions out. And I have no other outlets.

IV.
I do, however, feel it’s important to be real that being an indie author is sometimes a struggle. The lack of sales. The paucity of social media engagements. People unsubscribing from my newsletter and my manuscripts proving uncooperative.

There are times when this indie author thing tests my patience and admittedly weak self-esteem. And hiding that fact just feels disingenuous.

V.
I want my books to appear on lists. Like LGBT lists. Best Books You Haven’t Read Yet lists. Best of [insert year here] lists. Any list. Just some validation that someone sees my work and acknowledges both its existence and its worth.

I just don’t know how to get there.

VI.
TikTok seems very much to be a thing in book circles these days. I can’t bring myself to jump in, though–mostly because I clearly still haven’t figured out Twitter and Instagram. I feel like I should learn to better utilize the platforms I’m already on instead of trying to learn yet another new one.

Besides, content ideas are few and far between.

VII.
I wish my favorite indie authors loved my books the way I love theirs. The love, as usual, feels one-sided.

VIII.
Why yes, I do have long-standing issues with self-worth and confidence. How could you tell?